Women do not trust you with their femininity. And how could they when you’ve been badgering them to be softer, more submissive and compare them to non-Black women. It’s impossible, you’ll get more with honey than with vinegar but, you men out here dishing lighter fluid with no real heat, no fire, nothing cooking with gas.
Black women have been type-casted as strong and angry from every angle. From our parents, relatives, friends, co-workers, the media and, plain old racism. We are all well aware of systems of oppression women face, Black women in particular, and yet some of you men are confused as to how we are not operating as the soft dainty damsel in distress you’d like us to be.
Black women have been denied so much of what non-Black, especially White women, are afforded. So to compare Black femininity to non-Black privileged femininity is a really shitty take. Small, but big, things like embracing natural Black beauty is still a new phenomena to many Black women and men in a world where Eurocentric standards dictate whats hot, available and acceptable. Only recently are we finding a surge of natural hair products for a wide range of Black hair textures. With little to no progress of acceptability in professional and academic spaces.
You Broke and/or Cheap
Much of masculinity is concerned with providing and protecting oneself and loved ones. However, in a recent study, by Pipeline Equity, “there are 16 million breadwinner moms in the U.S., and they support 28 million children. Of these 28 million children, 8 million (or 29%) belong to households with Black breadwinner moms… Since 1982, more than 51% of all Black American households with children under the age of 18 have been headed by breadwinner moms. Within this 51%, 37 percentage points represent households where the mom is the sole breadwinner.” The median household income for sole breadwinning mothers, $30,000.
Imagine being the largest group to provide for your race without full mention of the huge wage gap, to add insult to injury. For men to be so prideful of being “tha’ *beats chest* man” where is the weight they claim they pull in the house? According to these stats the bacon is not being brought by Adam, Eve is the one killing what the family eats. Black women have not had the luxury to experience “femininity” in the ways these men imagine we should be and they’re not even helping!
There was a viral post going around saying only women and children are loved unconditionally, men are only loved when they have money. And that’s a damn lie, women have housed raggedy ass n*ggas, have sex with broke men, walked 40 days and 40 nights to end police brutality, put money on books, got some of y’all through school and all that. Women are of the most naive, forgiving and loving species known to man.
The minute there is a wave of Black women gaining the strength and confidence to say kiss my ass until you can get it together, its “Black Love is dying.” Ya’ll be out here embarrassing the woman you lay your head next to and got the nerve to tell us we wrong for not putting up with the bullshit. Y’all watched y’all mothers and grandmothers put up with all typa shit from Pee Paw and thinking y’all gon run the same game on us. I got news for you b*tch, we got our own bank accounts now.
Marriage for love is a very new concept and it’s hard for y’all to grasp that women really don’t “need” y’all in the same ways we did before. ESPECIALLY if y’all ain’t even brining home the bacon. From the beginning women married into families that have RESOURCES. Dowrys have been paid since the Babylonian era, some countries did it differently but, love had a price. Bride wealth in India was a common custom often leaving poor boys unwed.
And before ya’ll start, NIGERIANS to this day have a bride price so that the groom can demonstrate seriousness in providing for the wife and his future family.
Love is a beautiful thing but it has to come with conditions. Y’all just can’t be sitting up here making all these demands and you constantly in a “transitional” period in your life right now. Some women, especially the ones y’all want, ain’t going for it. Why should they when Con-ed, rent, mortgage, car notes, doctor bills, and other responsibilities only increase in price. Not to mention the emotional maturity some of you possess is alarming. A lot of y’all give sociopath if we being honest. That brings me to my next point.
Your elevator don’t go to the top floor. What makes you think a woman of value, esteem, class etc is going to want you while you lack depth, empathy and make poor decisions. I have dated all kinds of men, but, the only men I truly respected were the ones who had intellectual conversation, were compassionate, protective and made excellent life decisions. The ones I didn’t take seriously blamed everyone for their short comings, lacked independence and stability, had run ins with the law, or felt emasculated over simple conversations or direct questions. You think women gon’ be submissive to that? Y’all be having penis, audacity and terrible vibes and think that’s gon’ be the wind beneath y’all sails to the great women. It’s not going down, toots.
Y’all be telling women they can’t handle the truth but when we put up a mirror to y’all flaws its either and argument, deflection, gaslighting or excuses. Y’all mothers have coddled y’all well into your big ages and now y’all looking for women you wanna have sex with to do the same. No one is gonna love you like your mother love, go heal.
Y’all communication skills are horrible and y’all do not know how to protect. Case in point, complicit behavior when men see and or hear disrespect towards Black women and choose not to protect them. The amount of times Black women can recall being disrespected by men either via social media or in person is astounding. What is also disturbing is the men who sit back and watch it transpire. A very popular audio chat app truly highlights this in MULTIPLE rooms hosted by Black men disparaging Black women. It’s strange.
It’s a given at this point that y’all don’t know how to fight and some are just trigger happy. But the fact that y’all sit up here and create dialogue without data and statistics to disparage Black women and still try to date them is beyond me. Worst of all y’all have friends that you know are fucking creeps. You continue to be complicit when you see or hear one of your shitty ass patnas disrespect a Black woman. Why are y’all trying to grab us to get our attention? Why do you associate with men who drug women? Listen and support artists who have been proven to beat and sexually assault women? But since it ain’t happen to women close to you, you don’t give a damn, huh? Sociopath. Y’all don’t deserve pussy.
I truly do not want to make this a long winded discussion because it’s very simple to me. The Black men who are finding it difficult to find a feminine Black woman they like are likely not providers nor protectors. These same men complaining on these apps, b*tching and moaning like they’re in the nail salon, about not getting a date will never find success. No Black woman is going to let you lead if you can not lead yourself out of sounding like a f*cking loser. Go back to school, get a trade, go to the gym, get some backbone to you, negotiate your salary higher and try again.
Men if you’re reading this please do not ask me how I can help you become more masculine, figure it out. “Y’all want submission from the bible but yet, you clam up when Big Mama ask you to say grace”@_nae.sha; et. al. Can’t even pray for yourselves ’bout some Bible, shut up. As for the ladies, stop coddling these men because you are only making it worse for the rest of us.
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