The Sorry Situationship

Long gone are the days of men arriving to your doorstep, handing you flowers, driving to the drive in movie, spoiling you with fine dining, and showering you with “just because” gifts. In this age of fast food, fast fashion, and fast online service, we’ve found ways to expedite getting to know each other. We’ve jumped head first into a new, watered down, dating concept called, “The Situationship.”

The Situationship goes something like this:

Phase 1: The Encounter – Man meets person, they text and spend late nights on the phone together for weeks. The first real date may or may not happen. In many cases, the first date consists of a couch and Netflix.

Phase 2: In Between The Sheets – 3 to 4 months of unlimited unprotected sex, unfinished Netflix movies and unnecessary “WYD” texts. MANY repressed and unexpressed desires of commitment from the woman. Woman believes that “going with the flow” and being optimistic will somehow land her a relationship.

Phase 3: Holy Matrimony – 6 months to a year in, the woman has fully committed herself into believing she doesn’t want commitment yet, actively auditioning herself as the most qualified girlfriend.

Auditioning includes, providing exclusive and unlimited sex, consistent and constant communication, cooking, cleaning, being a source of inspiration and motivation, being a therapist, acting as stylist, primary caretaker, financial advisor and/or sugar momma.

Ladies, I want to be very clear. I mean this in the nicest way possible, the Situationship is a SCAM and ONLY benefits the man. The Situationship works by stringing you along in hopes of real commitment. Men know women desire monogamy. They will say any and everything to make you believe you are the ONE, without actually doing anything to prove their worth to you.

But why, why are they stringing me along for this long? “Why you bother me when you know you don’t want me?” Its very simple, men entertain your desires in exchange for sex. Our fathers, brothers, uncles, big, little, and play cousins all told us that men only want one thing yet, we’ve actively ignored this clear warning.

Don’t feel attacked, we’ve all been there. We’ve all been duped into believing, “not this one, he’s a good guy, it’ll work out” and it doesn’t. It’s okay, vision is always 20/20 in hindsight.

Let’s say you’re currently suffering in a “situationship”, and you genuinely care about this person. You see a future with them and you guys have a great time. Are you happy with the current status of this “relationship”? Are you confident in saying that he is ready for commitment? Has he physically and fiscally acted in ways that let you know a relationship with you is something he is serious about pursuing? If you answered no to any of these questions, it’s time to leave this man alone and revamp your roster.

Women are often shamed into solely dating one person, “proving” themselves “worthy” of a healthy and happy relationship. Its not in anyone’s best interest to date one person at a time and hope playing your cards right will achieve commitment. It does not work that way, especially in the age of social media. There are plenty of women competing to be a girlfriend to men who have no reason to settle down; they’re getting whatever they want, from whoever they want, with little to zero effort.

Now that we’ve gotten that out the way, allow me to politely drag you. For months, you’ve been telling yourself you do not want a relationship and, you’re okay with “going with the flow”. You don’t want to pressure “your man” to commit.

By you telling yourself “no”, you are actively telling a man, who couldn’t pay for your Uber, “yes”. How silly does that sound? Here you are bending over backwards because you can’t say “no”. Repressing your feelings for someone who makes you laugh and gives you sex is not it. Discipline and boundaries need to become part of your vocabulary such as water to a healthy diet. And again, I mean this in the nicest possible way, get it together, sistren.

Discipline and boundaries are easily attained when you are very clear and HONEST with yourself about what you want. Ask yourself, “what am I really worth? What do I desire? What will I not tolerate? What are my non-negotiables? Where do I see myself in six months? Who do I want during that time?” And the MOST important, “what is worthy of my time?” Your time is the most expensive thing you have, you can never get it back.

You are worthy of all of the things you desire, you can be all the things you aspire to be. Be focused, resilient and faithful. It will work when you do.

Alright now, have fun – be safe.