People are desperately craving a community in a “low maintenance” relationship era. With the rising cost of living, one social travesty after the other, imbalance in the workforce and changes in the political landscape; people are more overstimulated than ever and are learning how to make more time for themselves. Solo dates and solo trips have been more desirable, less daunting and less embarrassing. However, despite the high desirability of being alone, people are describing themselves to be more and more lonely.
The rise of self help has been great for mental health yet when it’s time to reconnect with loved ones, too much isolation may make you feel out of touch. Strengthening the relationships we have now with small gestures and creating new ones takes time, here’s some suggestions I’ve been practicing lately…
One of the classiest things my mother taught me was to always send a thank you card when someone gifts you a present or attends a celebration you’re hosting. Younger, tackier me didn’t feel the need to, I assumed texts would suffice. But, as I’ve gotten older and have received some thank you cards myself, I do appreciate when people acknowledge my presence and present. Notes of gratitude really go a long way even when you do give freely.
You can even customize your own here.
Remember important details, acknowledge them when it pops up by celebrating, showing up or helping. Birthdays, pets, parents, siblings, hobbies, trips, kids, career development. It is so easy to be consumed with your own world that you neglect that there are other people living in it with you. Putting yourself first isn’t crime but wanting community and not remembering the community isn’t gonna cut it. You’ll never have people look out for you if you can’t extend that same interest to others.
Create new experiences and stop making excuses for why you don’t want to leave your house you old ass b*tch. Give your friend a damn call, catch up, laugh and talk for crying out loud.
You know those people who can’t help but get into a political debate about something? Yea, they’re not the most fun right? Exactly. Sometimes, we don’t need to have a discussion on politics over lobster meatballs and margaritas, sometimes we just need to shoot the shit about common interests. Focus the conversation away from spirited debates and discuss the things you both love. Over discussion of the ills of the world makes you so depleted you forget to enjoy the goodness all around you. While these discussions are important, times like these a good chuckle about things we find hilarious makes life that much sweeter.
Forgive your friends and family for being imperfect. Your friends are human, just like you and me. We all fall short in communication, availability, understanding, etc etc. Long lasting relationships require some level of tolerance and understanding when it comes to mistakes. Expecting people to be 100% all of the time just isn’t fair. If the offense wasn’t hard enough to end a friendship I think it could be discussed, have the conversation with love, facts over feelings. All conflicts don’t warrant catastrophe, some just need effective communication.
Be honest about who you are and where you are headed. Sometimes people who knew us from back in the day are comfortable with a version of us that no longer exists. Just because that isn’t you, doesn’t mean that the current you isn’t the real you. Showing up fully authentic in all your glory and pitfall brings you the people that are fully aligned with your journey. How are people going to get to know you, if you don’t reveal who you are? You don’t have to be weird about it either, just compartmentalize those previous relationships accordingly. It’s all love but, you aren’t the same and that’s okay.
The older you get the harder it becomes to create new meaningful relationships with people you enjoy, let alone trust. When you look around you and see friends that turned into family recognize is it as true wealth money can’t buy. As we lean closer towards the end of the year, remember the loved ones that helped carry you through. xo
How are you getting closer to those you love? I love sending out thank you cards and love letters <3.
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