This person is toxic, they’re sociopaths, they’re disrespectful sons of b*tches and you can’t believe you still care about this person. I mean, how dare they ghost me and say nothing. Not a word, after all that listening and caring I’ve done, I mean, we weren’t in a relationship but, how could they do this to me? TO ME.
I hope by the end of that paragraph you realize just how much you’ve allowed a person to come into your life, and disrupt the peace you’ve cultivated for yourself. This maybe a dry, hard, thankless pill to swallow but, nobody who isn’t your partner, owes you an exit tour for no longer wanting you. Is it f*cked up, yes. Is it not nice, absolutely. Is it in your control, no. What is in your control, is your perspective.
Being ghosted isn’t new, it’s been featured in many 90s romcoms and I’m sure the men and women of yesteryear were being ghosted via pigeon carrier.
Needless to say, you aren’t alone even when everyone seems to be happy in a relationship. The highway isn’t always as fast as the service road. So, instead of trying to get on to the highway, stay in your lane and let the traffic do, what the traffic do.
But, we were doing so good!
Many times, being ghosted really isn’t about you. It’s about them, their needs, their wants, their shortcomings, their traumas, their morals, their values. If you’ve seemingly done nothing wrong, don’t take it personal. Some people require distance at certain parts of their life and, you just happen to be in the midst of it. So if you fall into the, “everything was going great” category take pleasure in knowing its not you, its them. People are going to do what’s best for themselves whether you agree with it or not and, whether you understand it or not, it’s human nature.
So knowing the possibility of it being something personal to them, ask yourself, do you want to be in a relationship with someone who can not express their need for solitude? Do you think, perhaps, they were afraid to confide in you? Ashamed of the criticism, shame, or fear of rejection?
Quiet as it’s kept, some of the strongest appearing people have secrets they’ve never shared, trauma thats been suppressed and unmanaged; and fears they don’t express. Traumas and triggers pop up and pile up at any given time, the way they (you) manage them makes all the difference.
Okay, I may have fallen short here and there but, damn, she/he couldn’t say something?
People are going to do what they seem is best for themselves. This’ll hurt some feelings but, you know we don’t care about that here.
NO ONE OWES YOU CLOSURE BUT YOU. NO ONE OWES YOU CLOSURE BUT YOU. NO ONE. OWES YOU CLOSURE. BUT. YOU.
Do you know how tiring it is for someone to ask you to treat them or love them the way they asked you to? Why should they give you a 4-page love letter and enclose it with a kiss to detail why this thing isn’t going to work after telling you what they need from you? Tell me. QUICK.
This burden of feeling worthless or played after being ghosted is also a conversation around boundaries. Having poor emotional boundaries will leave you stuck, confused and empty when you aren’t properly being poured into.
That request and sometimes demand for closure, in many cases, is ego driven. Its you wanting to feel “healed” by the rejection of someone leaving you and not making sure the both of you are healed. It isn’t coming from a place of mutual healing or understanding. It’s you feeling sorry for yourself, feeling like you’ve failed, feeling like a failure and looking for the other person to heal that wound. You know who heals wounds? Paid doctors, therapists, friends and family who do it out of love.
Well, f*ck love, this s*it ghetto anyway.
No, you’re ghetto. Because one person decides they no longer want this and doesn’t tell you you’re going to completely throw away the idea that someone is out there that will love you for you. Good. Be by yourself as long as you need to feel confident in saying, “I’d like for someone to love me for me and for me to love them for them too.”
This attitude will get you nowhere and is a cop out from dealing with the issues you have and must manage. Until you understand that and meet people half way, meet them where they’re at and not on a pedestal, you’ll forever be bitter about a hot love gone cold. Have fun having meaningless sex with strangers or alone, and hating from the outside the club.
Failure and rejection are the fears everybody tries to avoid inside and outside of romantic relationships. There is no vaccine or cough medicine to evade failure or quickly heal rejection. It will happen for any person at anytime seeking success in any aspect in their life. It is an avenue used to propel you into another phase, chapter, storyline in your life. It is the necessary “L” you’ll have to take to understand, achieve and, manage the upcoming “W”.
Take this “L” as a learning experience, take the time you need to heal and get your ass back in the game. There is someone ready for you, where you’re at now or in your future. But, you must work on the parts of you that you also need to improve too.