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In the late summer of 2000, Erykah Badu graced the world with Mama’s Gun. The first single, Bag Lady, not only ranked 6 on the US Billboard Hot 100, it encouraged us to release unnecessary baggage. As we listen to Bag Lady, we learn that the load we carry has the ability to delay our excellence, turn spaces into corners, and potential opportunities fly by. Disruption in familiar, platonic and romantic relationships, regrets in professional pursuits, and circumstances we cause ourselves, all have the potential to distract us. If we choose to allow it.

Unnecessary Baggage: 

Being overloaded by the events of our past can prevent us from living happier, more successful lives. If we are concerned with the mayhem of our past, we become distracted by the wonders in the present, and fall unprepared for our future.

So, pack light.

Drop the baggage and carry yourself. Carry who you are outside of misfortune and mistreatment. You are not any of those things. Lighter lifting is essential, it can be achieved through forgiveness and ultimately starts with you.

Forgiveness:

In a 2004 article on the unique effects of forgiveness on health, forgiveness is defined as “a cognitive, emotional, and behavioral response to interpersonal conflict.” UC Berkeley notes, forgiveness is generally defined by psychologists as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness.

For many of us, forgiving someone regardless of whether they deserve your forgiveness is not easy. Even more challenging is forgiving someone without receiving an apology, or at the very least, acknowledging accountability. A large way we govern behavior is through the exchanges of apologies and forgiveness. Whether we’re cognizant of this or not, we are socialized to expect an apology to start the path of forgiveness. Reality shows us that life does not always work that way, and we should not expect it to.

When a lot of us think of forgiveness, we think we have to forget what happened. Or the idea that forgiving is a sign of weakness. We do not have to forget the things that made an imprint on our lives; and to forgive is one of the strongest things we can do for ourselves. Research shows that forgiveness is linked to positive mental health outcomes – reduced anxiety, depression and major psychiatric disorders. It is also linked to fewer physical health symptoms, a stronger immune system, and lower mortality rates.

Self – Forgiveness: 

Admit it, we all have done things that we are not proud of. Said things we shouldn’t have said and behaved in ways we do not approve. If we did not experience those situations how could we have the learned the lessons of a Monday morning quarterback. Living with prolonged baggage can come back to bite us. Those negative energies have the power to shake our confidence,  lower our-self esteem and distract from the goodness of the present.

Packing Light: 

Packing light can start by deciding that you no longer want to carry anything that does not serve you peace. Everything you do after that should support that declaration.

1. Pray to whatever power you serve. There is a soothing energy you experience after you release what you’ve held to the highest power. For me, that’s God. He handles all things that I can no longer carry and grants me restoration.

Acts 3:19 says, “Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord.” 

2. Be focused in the present. The present moment is what you have to shape the trajectory of your future. Be focused on that.

3. Spend sometime in solitude. Address everything you’ve been feeling. Acknowledge that it hurt you and accept it for what it is. This does not mean that you will start accepting the unacceptable, you simply accept that the unacceptable happened.

4. Take ownership. Realize how you’ve played part in some sort of misfortune and release it for what it is.

5. Shift your perspective from, “this happened to me, to this happened for me.” The Ls we took are lessons we learned.

6. Don’t go to sleep angry. Going to sleep angry is a sure fire way to replay the event in your head and that serves no one. Replace ill performing thoughts with, “I am better than this situation”, “I am not defined by this”, and “There is more to experience than this.”

7. Understand why the wrong doer did what they did. Understanding why they did what they did makes things more logical as opposed to personal. The amount of compassion you offer this person is up to you.

8. Take a gratitude approach. Conceptualize mistakes and mistreatment as lessons and express gratitude in learning them.

9. Seek therapy. The feeling you get by sharing things to someone that does not know you is wonderful. They can’t judge you for your pain or mistakes and they help you heal in ways you did not think you could.

For me, forgiveness is something I practice for myself. I personally benefit from forgiving people, circumstances and myself. Once I forgive, I feel free. I no longer have the desire to seek revenge, harbor resentment or beat myself up.  This does not mean I forget what happened – I simply acknowledge it for what it is and appreciate the wisdom I’ve gained.

I practice this concept largely through prayer, meditation and elimination. I pray to ask for forgiveness and to forgive myself. I meditate to focus on the present. I eliminate through solitude and creating boundaries. I remove myself from social, professional, romantic relationships and environments that no longer serve me. Peace of mind improves your time on this Earth. Life is too short to not have it. Pack light.

Feature Image: Flo Ngala