Late Night Post: Friendships That Heal, Sustains

The love in my friendships has sustained me through some of my lowest moments…

It also cheered me on when I could not recognize or congratulate my own success.

When lovers have become strangers and family is not around, friends that show up regardless of time and space prove to be of the most impactful people to help usher you through life’s ups and downs. Friendship has become beyond enjoying each other’s company, sharing the same interests, going to brunch together and a hilarious group chat. I found that my most meaningful friendships and relationships in general, heal and are sustained through love and service. 

As I’ve gotten older and life has gotten harder, I can call only a handful of friends that I know can and will show up for me in the ways that I need and vice versa. These friendships range from 10 to only 4 year old relationships. But despite the differences in time, we allow ourselves to be human, to nurture and be nurtured. We show up for each other in the fullness of who we are, at the capacity we can offer, and we support each other in the ways we need. 

Friendships like these are extremely hard to come by because they are built with trust. In social media, we see people’s expectations of friendship stretched beyond the expectations they have for themselves as a friend. There has been so much content about what makes a bad friend and not enough on what makes meaningful friendships last. It is lazy and egotistical to assume your friend is icing you out when you don’t inquire. It is selfish to assume your friend doesn’t include you in their plans because you feel owed to their innermost thoughts. Good quality friendships and relationships are about holding space, compassion and service. 

Being of service for your friends can look like letting your friend vent without feeling compelled to offer a solution. Walking from Chelsea to Soho on a summer’s day; just talking about life with a new friend. Service can also look like asking questions so that your friend can uncover emotions they’ve suppressed and they create conclusions on how to heal. It looks like showing up with food and wine when they have experienced heartache. It looks like covering your friend in prayer and asking them if they ate that day. It’s congratulating them when they fail because you are proud of their effort and celebrating them when they do win. Sometimes, it’s just sitting with them in silence as they figure out how to process pain. 

To have good friends and be a good friend, you also have to learn how to be a great friend to yourself. You have to offer yourself the same forgiveness, grace, respect and prayer you want from others. Friendships don’t work and serve unless you do too. How will you be a better friend to you? A real friend, not the fake ish.

Instead of being offended, how will you hold space for a friend you haven’t spoken to? How have you shown up in your friendships? How have your friendships healed you? Let me know in the comments below! 

xoxo