I Chose Rest For 5 Months

The last post before this one was in August and I was over it. 

In the months prior, I was rapidly falling out of love, structural changes were happening at work, and harmony at home became an obstacle. Despite all odds I actively fed my mind, body and spirit with positive stimuli. Grieving circumstances were not going to rob me of the joy I absolutely deserve. I ran for miles at the gym, put my best 100% in at work, picked up a new fencing hobby, created great posts, went viral again on tiktok, went out with friends, to concerts, on dates, vocalized my needs despite potential conflict and kept faith that things will get better.

I didn’t realize in effort to maintain happiness I was active in fight or flight. I thought if I stopped showing up how I normally would, somehow I would fail myself. I was afraid to rest.

Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely NEEDED to fight for my happiness. Being consistent with my goals gave me the ability to receive rest and the new I knew coming.

Practicing rest forced me to remove shame and guilt for not showing up for myself, people and in spaces where I felt obligated to perform. I was incredibly selfish with me and my needs and I felt so much lighter.

I stopped feeling pressured to go to the gym once I fully realized how strong, healthy and sexy I already was, I still get my miles in though. 

I ignored and cut off the most annoying, inconvenient, and habitual line steppers in my life. I was straight up and honest with people about the negative things I felt about them, their actions and the connection we shared, regardless if  I knew it would hurt them. It felt incredible to get it off my chest. 

I took chances on myself as a writer and history aficionado. Which opened windows and doors to so many unexpected opportunities that align with my goals for animayana.com and beyond.

I spent more time with the people I love and love me.

I fired my old therapist and got a better one. 

Of course I stayed at a spa, getting a facial, massage and getting my nails done – that’s a given.

I opened myself up to old and new friendships/loves with no expectation and let it grow or fall as the wind blew. 

By December I understood that rest meant to release myself of the expectations I put on myself and the ones others put on me. I showed up completely as I was, unapologetically and more ruthless than ever before. 

The fruit of my rest was total improvement or replacement in everything that I was shaken by January – August. I gained so much clarity, peace of mind, love and harmony in my life when I finally allowed myself to rest. I feel wonderful because of it.

How will you rest going into 2024?