High Self Esteem Reduces Poor Quality Experiences

What separates you from the woman who gets everything she wants? Is it her looks? Maybe her level of access? Popularity? Intelligence? Is she easy? Promiscuous? Manipulative? If you thought of anything but her sense of self-worth and attitude you are wrong. The woman who gets what she wants has the audacity to get it despite all odds stacked against her. 

We all know a woman that seemingly has it all, beauty, brains, opportunity, that ends up a washed up has been or is derailed from actualizing to her full potential. She could’ve been the popular girl in school that had all the great grades, boyfriends and attention. Then one day, she falls in love with the wrong man. When you look at her,  all that she had going for herself, and you look at him, you can’t help but think, “Damn sis, wtf is this?”. Sure looks aren’t everything but, the man is a bum and slowly but surely, bringing her down to his level. 

Lowering your esteem and your standards doesn’t happen overnight. We are taught that being “humble” will get us further than demanding our just due. Unfortunately, bad things happen to good people, especially when they have the capacity to avoid it. Having a low estimate of your own worth makes you an easy target to be used, played and manipulated into being a doormat. Lowering your self-esteem also makes you believe that you are worth below the bare minimum in all facets of your life, not just dating. It’ll weaken the belief that you belong in rooms that you’ve dreamed of being. You become discouraged, fearful, feel out of place and stagnant. All of those unfulfilled dreams in your mind make you resentful and jealous of people you deem “bad” who are getting all the good you think you deserve. 

I had a friend that considered themselves, out of 10, a 4. It was the worst thing I heard that day because how could someone I love not see themselves as the 10 I knew they were. I mean they have a great family, good head on their shoulders, amazing career but, their love life reflected every bit of that 4. Celebrity contracts, connections and fancy dinners did not stop this 10 from believing they were a 4 and the world around them treated them less than what she deserved despite status and access. 

When you have low self esteem and low value you are in a constant state of trying to prove your worth to yourself and the world as opposed to already showing up worthy. You chase men that can’t buy you weekly flowers, you lie and say you don’t like expensive dates or dinners, you go half on vacation trips and you bend over backwards for the approval of other people; just to be bread crumbed into never asking for something of your worth again. AND YOU STAY.

You take on the defeated mentality that you have to be a slave to circumstance to get the dream life you desire. You throw more pity parties than you execute plans because you already don’t believe you can be successful. You choose the easy way out because being rejected and the fear of being perceived as a failure is more important to you than actually winning. The saddest part of having low self esteem is the big ego that it can come with, you want to believe you’re more deserving than the other person but don’t even have the balls to make it happen. That sucks. 

People With High Self Esteem Vs You

People with high self esteem determine their value, know how to self-regulate, transmute energy and are responsible for their own happiness. Their value is based on how they perceive themselves and it isn’t shaken by some loser who wants to have access to them. That shit does not work, if anything, it boosts their ego knowing someone was that desperate to make an attempt to make them a loser like them. Knowing how to regulate your own emotions means you are a disciplined person and in control of your own world. The easier people can trigger you the easier they can manipulate you and you forget your own power. Transmuting your energy is such a powerful tool in creating the life you want because you are using whatever negativity sent your way and making it your b*tch. Understanding how and what makes you happy puts you in a position to win every-time. When your energy is happy and healthy the easier you can call into better experiences with ease. Everyone has a hater. There are people in your life that will say you are not worth what your dreams are or worth what you are asking for. Some people will or have discouraged you from going places their little brains couldn’t perceive being. People’s criticism of you is just a projection of themself, that’s all that is. People said you couldn’t because they couldn’t, people said it won’t work because it did not work for them. If you believe the fears of other people you will allow other people to control your destiny. 

The worst thing that came from this pandemic was the red-pill podcast bros trying to make women believe their standards were too high… and women falling for the okey-doke. Accepting coffee dates, drinking dates, dates 2 blocks from his house, telling women not to ask and you’ll get the world, having to compete with women, and my favorite… getting a degree can help your spouses’ business and we’ve literally seen how that gem turned out.

Exhibit A:

Bernadine Harris was her husband’s wife and secretary for 11 years. Despite her being gorgeous, classy, charming, educated with a master’s degree in the 90s! She still held John down for being a “good woman” when she should have had the audacity to deny his offer of being his employee. Once John reaches the peak of his success, he leaves Bernadine and breaks the news by telling her before they are headed to a professional event she doesn’t even want to go to. He takes the mistress instead to flaunt the new woman around his colleagues. When she shows her disdain for his decision, he then finds a way to make it completely her fault. Zero accountability, empathy or compassion for the woman he married for 11 years. Bernadine put herself last in every way in this relationship and that’s where she finished at the end of it. 

Exhibit B: 

Helen was married to Charles for 18 years as a stay at home wife through financial abuse, infidelity and miscarriages. She stood by his side for years and when he reached peak success, he kicked her out of their home and left her with nothing. In fact, her closet is replaced with all of the mistress’ belongings. When Charles has his come to Jesus moment, he is paralyzed, his “20” wanted to take him off child support and left with their two kids. Helen was left with nothing when Charles left and had to heal and make her own money after he discarded 18 years of her giving her ALL. Truth is, she stayed longer than she needed to because she didn’t think he could do it alone. This is also a reason I advocate for what Jamaicans call, “get vex money” or what like to call, “fuck you money” but that’s for another post. 

Truth is, the higher your self esteem the more people will try to break you down so they are less intimidated and threatened by your presence. The minute you remember who you are and what you are capable of, the harder it is for people to feed you shit and pretend it is gold. You can see it in friends and how they criticize you if you’ve been shopping, quit a job you hate, traveling and having a good time. You can see it with family when they make backhanded compliments about your appearance or life, especially if you are doing better than them. You can see it at work with that one b*tch and her tired handbag who is in secret competition with you. Other people’s projections can not and should not phase you; you don’t have to prove your value to people who have to look up at you to hate. No one is a hater to the people on the bottom, let’s be real. 

Having high self-esteem requires you to really be honest with yourself about who you are. Accept the good and don’t dwell on the bad, drop the old people-pleasing, fearful version of yourself that got trampled over. High self worth cuts people off sooner rather than later and only invests in people and experiences that enrich not deplete. In the pursuit of re-gaining and transforming your self-esteem you may find yourself by yourself (not lonely, that’s a feeling) more often because the true, new you has to find new energies that align. These friends with low self-esteem, you can kiss them goodbye. That job you’re tired of complaining about, kiss that goodbye too, your energy is attracting better. And that man, he’s going to fuss more because he’s scared of losing you but won’t change to be better, let him loose. The confidence in knowing that there is better on the other side of facing your fears is what catapults you into the life you dream.

If you like this and want more, let me know in the comment section below and don’t forget to subscribe!

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