To love and be loved is one of the most, if not the most, powerful things we can experience for ourselves and one another. The love of family, friends, lovers, and self can carry anyone through any storm. Our first encounters with love are through our parents or caregivers. It created the framework for how we view love and the love we would like to experience.
In my experiences with love, I encountered life changing experiences, painful heartbreak and radical personal development. My perceptions of what it meant for me to receive and recognize love, changed throughout the course of my life based on my needs and expectations. My expectations for others and myself were altered to match my present and future realities. Love has always been a very personal pursuit that is constantly being redefined and fine tuned. Because it is very personal and in constant redefinition, many people struggle with finding a definitive understanding of what love truly is.
In reading All About Love by Bell Hooks, she also is discovering what love is. Love is defined by a deep feeling of affection; yet, that could also describe obsession, addiction, infatuation. Love in the Bible is expressed in 1 Corinthians 13:4–8a (ESV) Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. The Bible’s version of love is so different from how it has been “defined”, actions/behavior versus deep feelings of affection.
Love as an act requires more responsibility than just having a deep feeling. Love is service, forgiveness, grace, patience, kindness, sacrifice, generosity, affirming, inspiring. From a Christian perspective, God is the example of love because God is love. Having the example of love and practicing what God defines as love can be extremely difficult when life hasn’t been so kind to us. To serve, have compassion, be patient, sacrificial, be affirming and inspiring is extremely difficult after years of stress, hardship, difficulty and trauma.
Sometimes, we get so caught up in past trials and current trials that we abandon the idea of love for us and opt for lust and materials. We all deeply desire to be loved. Yet, many of us fear emotional intimacy and won’t allow us to receive the love that we deeply long for. Some of us confuse emotional intimacy with lust and that is a very dangerous confusion. Lust offers instant gratification of the flesh and can leave you more empty than before you started to seek it. Lust of the flesh is a wet band-aid on an open wound that needs care.
However, we’ve received care from people that did not love us; doctors, nurses, old lovers. Lust from people that kinda liked us and love from people we didn’t believe they loved us. Social media shows us so many examples of relationships that do not lead with care and love. Every scandal of cheating, embarrassment, and disrespect has made many of us fearful, angry and defensive about each other in love. Our music has been polluted by lust, financial gain and ego. The examples we have of love is not love, it is trauma, power, obsession and greed.
In my most recent experiences of love, of myself and of a partner, the biggest thing I learned was to forgive and to be patient. In a world where betrayal is ubiquitous and nearly praised it is easy for all of us to become jaded and impatient. We feel like we have to be unforgiving to protect ourselves. We have to be defensive to protect our ego. But in being guarded we do not allow each other to stitch up old and fresh wounds. We don’t allow ourselves to be vulnerable in our desires and seek the emotional intimacy that can lay a foundation of true love. And if you’ve been cheated on, abused, lied to, and didn’t get an example of how to become and receive love, it can be HARD.
No matter your experiences with love or how you’ve given (or lack thereof) love, you deserve the beauty and experience of pure love the way God intended for us to have and give. To man, love is to be earned, to God, love is to be given because it is your right. How ever you perceive love, I hope you receive it and give it in the most loving way, today and everyday. Happy Valentine’s Day.
How are you spending your Valentine’s Day? Let me know in the comments, don’t forget to subscribe + check out these submission posts on love by Brianna and Star 🙂
xoxo
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