Dream Girls Don’t Do Situationships

Some of y’all slipped into “soft life” and made your brain smooth in attempts to be agreeable. I’m not sure if it’s a mix of misinterpreting what TikTok dating experts tell you about being a “feminine woman” or desperation but, it’s cheapening your brand. Offering a man exclusivity without a title is a foolish and pitiful sport; there is no benefit to you with everything to lose. 

Situationships are common so they seem harmless right, WRONG. Situationships can develop between two people who are interested in each other physically, sometimes intellectually, romantically, etc etc, where one or both parties aren’t quite ready for an actual relationship. You may go on dates, you’re definitely having sex and if the guy is generous, you may get a few gifts here or there. It seems light, it seems fun, until you find yourself second guessing your value in a man’s life. When you begin to second guess your value in a man’s life, you begin to subtly question your own value as a woman. Once you do that, you begin to over play your role in attempts for what you truly desire, commitment. 

Here’s the thing, men love companionship, validation, attention, convenient sex and entertainment. All of these things can easily be provided by a woman he finds decent and tolerable enough to keep around until she has served her purpose; placeholders. Placeholders require no real fiscal, emotional, and committed investment, they are there for the ride in hopes  their personality and sex will keep the man they are delusional for. A man does not let the woman of his dreams become a situationship. He knows if she’s the woman of his dreams she’s definitely the woman for another man and he is not losing what he believes is his. 

How You Fell For The Situationship

You were more in love with the idea of companionship than self-respect. You wanted someone to call at night, maybe pick you up after a night with the girls, someone you can complain to, some cheap and easy sex, and maybe a couple movie dates. You wanted a boyfriend without coming off too demanding because you didn’t want to “scare him away”. Dummy, you should have. Settling for a man that is giving you crumbs instead of using your mouth to speak and legs to walk is insane. Because you settled for crumbs, you opted for proving your worth by doing things girlfriends do so he can experience what it would be like to be with you. Do you fly to the destination before you pay or does Delta take your money before you fly comfortably? OH OK. 

Loneliness makes you bored and desperate. Your perception of love is coming from a defeated place. You’ve already made up your mind that no man can meet your standard and you’re tired of meeting new people, so you’re taking in any leprechaun that blinks at you in hopes you’ll find a pot of gold. You went for the dude you don’t even want and settled for less because you thought it would be safe since, “you don’t like him anyway” “I like free food” and “it’s whatever”. Instead of being a dream girl who walks in a room, all eyes are immediately fixed on you commanding the attention you really want, you don’t even bother smiling at the fine brother you’ve been eyeing all night. You disqualify yourself from the love that you want because you don’t think you’re worth it.

Your relationship ended but you still want to hold on to comfort. I’ve watched women go from girlfriend to side chick because they did not want to “lose a man” they invested so much time and energy in and yet, love and idolize Lori Harvey because she’s the prize. Are you not also a prize? I never knew a prize that competed for first place. Men will lie and say that they are willing to make things work and keep it exclusive but, why would you trust their word on exclusivity when they can’t even give you the real commitment of a relationship? You expect a single man to just sleep with only you when there are other desperate women looking for the same things? GIRL. GIRL!

If a man really and truly wanted you, you would not be made to feel like an option, nor would you be in a constant state of confusion. A man who truly loves and cares for you will show up in every capacity you need/want and if he doesn’t know how, he has the wherewithal to learn. 

What Do Dream Girls Do Instead? 

The woman of a man’s dreams is focused on herself. Oop, before y’all jump me saying, “I’M ALREADY FOCUSED ON MYSELF.” Are you really? When’s the last time you went to the gym, picked up a new hobby, went out with your friends, was taken care of, allowed someone to help you, went shopping, got a massage, got dolled up, told a man no, forgave yourself for being a dummy, changed your perspective on life, believed you could even when you were scared, enforced your boundaries, cut friends and family off, took a PTO day? Oh. 

Focusing on yourself isn’t saying don’t date it’s saying when a man is telling you he doesn’t want you, go find someone who does! You don’t sit there like 3-pack of convenient p*ssy waiting for him to know your value, telling him you’re moving on, or giving him ultimatums; you get up and get another man. You caring more about his feelings and his perception of you versus your own wants and desires is sooooooooo lameeeeee. Girl the time you waste waiting on a man to figure out if he wants you or not your dream man looking at someone else. You do not owe any man who is not yours any loyalty. Loyalty is earned. 

Dream Girls lay out their standard from the beginning by being the standard. If a man tries to suggest a cheap date and that’s not your style, decline. If you want to be picked up and dropped off and he doesn’t have the means to do that, don’t go. If he hasn’t proven himself worthy enough for your kitty, don’t give him none. I don’t care how much convincing, guilt tripping or negotiating he tries, the answer is no until you are ready. The right one will wait and if they wait and are still the wrong one you leave anyway. 

Dream Girls articulate themselves clearly and stand on the words they preach. They inquire about the status of the relationship and if it is not moving in the timeline they desire, they politely remove themselves from the equation. The standard for the prize never lowers so the qualifications for the men must be consistent, if not better. There is no negotiation on what she is looking for because she knows that there is someone out there that can and will rise to the occasion. She keeps moving with class, grace, mystery, excitement and optimism until she’s been won by someone worthy.

Dream Girls don’t try to change men, they will change for you. There are so many men I’ve dated that were upset that I was “too expensive, too high maintenance and too demanding”; I let those jokers go. But the ones who remained, handed me the things that I wanted and more because my presence was enough to know it was in their best interest to properly invest in me. Begging a man to change is a waste of time and that’s the one thing we can’t get back. Men know that very well and won’t waste time on something that isn’t easy or worth having – they are simple.

Dream Girls don’t stay down too long. These are the baddest b*tches breathing and even when they have a minor setback they know storms don’t last, always. They build back their self esteem, they remain consistent with their goals, they focus on the finer things in life, and they’re not worried about what some bum ass n*gga is doing with some wack ass b*tch that wants to compete with her. She is walking in her purpose and knows that everything she wants is already hers and she doesn’t have to settle for less to get it. 

Are you tired of being in a mans situation or are you ready to be his dream or nightmare if he loses you? Let me know in the comments if you’re ready?