Do You Love Yourself If You Still Play In Trash?

Now, before you get your panties in a bunch, remember, you chose to come here. Now, if this starts feeling like an attack good, it should. If it feels like an attack and you want to keep reading that means you’re ready.

For my 2? birthday I went to Fort Lauderdale for the weekend, had a ball. One night, my cousin and I went to a club in Las Olas. Had no expectations on meeting anyone, just there for the vibe. I drank so much earlier that day that the smell of alcohol made me sick. But, my outfit was cute and I deserved to be seen. Anyway, I met a man. He was hot, tall, big, long locs and all the girls wanted him. I tell him its my birthday and immediately we are headed to the Hard Rock Casino Hotel for dinner to celebrate.

There, we were seated with his sister and her boyfriend. My cousin and I order what we wanted, his sister and her boyfriend share a salmon salad… His sister, lets call her “Denise”, was not a slim gal and her boyfriend was easily the same size as… lets call him… “Ant”, my date. So immediately I’m side-eyeing the boyfriend, why can’t miss mamas get a grown woman’s meal? Why is she splitting a Caesar salad with you? Why only water and lemon, im confused? But, I mind my business and try my best keep my faces to myself.

The Caesar Salad battalion begin to explain how Denise completely destroyed the inside of a club because the boyfriend, let’s call him “Shane” paid for a woman to get in. Shane and Ant are both into the “nightlife’ and women come with the territory. Denise, tells us how much she loves him and that it really hurt her that he did that. So I ask, “Did he ever give you a reason not to trust him?”. Yes I knew the answer but sometimes women need to hear it from their own mouth and idgaf about no Shane. Denise responds, “He did his thing, I did mine and we moved passed it.”

At that point, the picture has been painted and the writing was on the wall. Denise mentions she’s been to New York for work and would love to come back to hangout with my cousin and I. (Be nice) Silly and naive me asks, “Oh, what do you do for work?” *Crickets* Shane, “She was handling business.” I’m looking at his gold chains, rings and bracelets in comparison to her pandora bracelets and at this point, my poker face went goldfish in disbelief. But how could I be surprised, she’s enamored by this man!

Ant, like the smart king that he is was silent. Allowing me to admire his beauty in silence and small signs of affection.

The men went off to the bathroom and now my cousin and I can finally get alone time to have some girl talk. Denise, “I’m not sure if you know but my man [redacted].” As if the gold chains and medallions these two negroes were wearing weren’t a dead give away. She then blames herself and expresses how bad she felt for tearing up them people place. I would be livid too if a man I was in a relationship with had me schlepping [redacted] state to state, paying for women in the club, splitting caesar salads with me and having me in pandora bracelets like a child. I too would have been pissed.

We end the night and Ant takes my cousin and I back to The W. He’s shocked that this is where we were staying. The next morning he doesn’t call me like he said he would, strange but I don’t call. The next time we speak he lets me know that “he isn’t in a position to date me and that I deserve someone that can give me more than what he can give me.” Ladies, when a man tells you, you deserve better BELIEVE HIM.

Men will tell you in so many ways that they do not like, want or respect you by virtue of the way he treats you. Men are very simple beings that women think are too stupid to actually do good. A woman’s ego can either make or break her situation. Some of you are so smart, highly educated, even intuitive and yet, you let men who give you attention, sometimes good sex and pocket money treat you like shit. You let these morons treat you like garbage because you do not love yourself enough to believe that you can find and deserve better. You do not have the balls to find someone new so you settle. You don’t even think you can do better for yourself by yourself! So you settle for childish talking stages, situationships and once steamy love turned cold.

But before you settled, you begged. I know you did so don’t even lie. You begged by mentioning it once, twice, three times, posted it on IG, Twitter, played it in the car and complained about whatever it is you wanted until you stopped asking for it. You begged until you settled. You begged for flowers, dates, and a healthy committed relationship while still giving your time, money, attention and body to a man who couldn’t even give you half of what you wanted.

Since you poured so much into what seems to be a bottomless pit you feel like you invested too much time, money and nurturing to leave now. So you settle and your ego won’t allow you to believe that you can not change a man that does not want you. Your ego won’t allow you to see that you were only a place holder so now when he moves on he gives the new girl the WORLD. You didn’t or don’t love yourself enough to see how you’ve been getting played so now you refuse to release because you want a return on your investment.

It’s over. It was over before it started. And now you have to pick up the pieces because you poured so much into someone that you neglected yourself. Before you curse me out, ask yourself if I’m lying.

When we put ourselves in a position to believe that this is as good as it is going to get, that is all we will ever get, regardless of how deserving of more we may feel. Feelings and emotions are constantly changing but what can be consistent are actions. Believing and acting in a place of abundance will not only attract better men but also, better life experiences. You can not truly believe that you want more if your body is not acting on that belief. You telling yourself, and that schmuck, that you deserve what you’re getting by remaining in a situation that is unchanging.

Until you drop the ego and get real with yourself, you will allow yourself and others to waste your time, money, attention and energy. Life is too short to be miserable, jealous and wearing pandora bracelets for a man who cheats. Please.

If you liked this or related to settling, over came settling and know friends who refuse to leave please comment. If you want more of this content and a part 2, let me know down below.

Happy New Year

xx