11 Years of Patience by Star

11 Years of Patience

11 years. Wow, to write that sounds crazy. I have seen instagram posts that talk about being a girlfriend for 10+ years with no ring never being the goal. I can honestly say that was never my goal but when you meet someone at 17 years old in college and you’re both learning about yourself and each other, it’s easy for time to fly and before you know it you’re 11 years in. But, I would much rather work towards a healthy marriage than rush the process and have it fail.

My relationship is not perfect but perfection is not my goal nor should it really be anyone else’s, because it is not attainable. As you can imagine, in these 11 years we have been through a lot of sh*t. There was a time when I didn’t know if we would make it or even if I wanted to be with him any more. Full Transparency, I was young and wanted my relationship to look like the ones I’ve seen on IG (in hindsight that was silly AF). I felt like as time went on I also wanted to be single like my friends. Hot girl summer came and here I was in a full blown relationship (once again I know silly AF). But in reality I was running away from commitment because I honestly didn’t know what I really wanted. There were days I woke up wanting love and to be loved. Then there were days when I really wanted to say f*ck this shit and live my “best life”. Social media glorifies the city girl mentality and when it does show relationships they show the perfection of it all, never the realities. Through it all my partner remained patient.

I love that man. His way of “handling” us wasn’t what I wanted but it was what WE needed. He is reserved in his demeanor, so for a while I questioned his feelings for me. The problem is I was looking to be loved the way I showed love, instead of understanding that he shows his love differently. This mentality came through self reflection, therapy and realizing that we had no real role model for how successful relationships work. So if we wanted to make it work we needed to do it on our own.

I have learned many things from my partner and my relationship. I hated when people would equate relationships to work and made it seem like it was a  job. But, I learned you really do have to work at it like a job if you want to succeed. I learned to be patient, to not expect my partner to show his love the way I showed mine. I learned never to get comfortable and to always work towards OUR ideal relationship. Marriage is the goal, a healthy one. Fights will happen, people will grow and change over time and it’s ok. If there was one word I can use to sum up my relationship over 11 years, it would be communication. Effectively and clearly. 

11 years, still sounds crazy to say out loud. We’ve grown and changed but the love remains the same. 

Submitted by Star